Are you your worst enemy? ⚔️

Why you might be your biggest problem and how to quit getting in your own way.

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🥷 Often, I’m my worst enemy.

I get in my head about everything, convincing myself I’m not talented enough, strong enough, nor determined enough - simply put, I have the chronic syndrome of telling myself “You’re not enough.”

The problem is, we tend to equate being “enough” with being “perfect” or, at the very least, “better than others.”

It hurts my pride to admit these, but for the sake of the point I’m trying to make, here are some things I have actually thought:

• Am I the smartest person in the room?

• Is my writing business making as much money as other freelancers’?

• Am I the prettiest girl in the room? Am I dressed well enough? Is my makeup perfect for the occasion?

• In the gym, everyone is probably watching me, since I’m not super athletic.

These worries do nothing for me. They don’t make me smarter, prettier, or more accomplished. They don’t make me better in any way, shape, or form.

All they do is make me a victim of comparison and not-enoughness.

A photo I was afraid to share because I didn’t think I looked nice enough in it. Drafting today’s post challenged me to put it out there. 🌸

The time I waste worrying about these things and the energy I waste trying to make up for the deficits I see in my abilities is immense. And it’s such a waste! Think about what I could accomplish if, instead of focusing on being “enough” for everyone else, I set my mind on accomplishing the things I want to accomplish.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to improve yourself or that you shouldn’t set goals. What I am saying is we often shoot ourselves in the foot, as the saying goes, when we stew on feelings of inadequacy. I do so much damage to myself mentally and professionally when I focus on what about me isn’t “enough.”

For example, I used to avoid going to the gym because I was worried that people would watch me and think about how bad at running or lifting or stretching I was.

I avoided bettering myself, choosing to be healthy, and having fun because I was worried about what other people thought.

And the thing is, no one has ever told me they were thinking about me like that when I was at the gym! This concern was all in my head. With fitness, I was my own worst enemy.

It’s also important to point out that insecurities are real and valid, so please do not take this to be chastisement for your insecurities, your concerns about things you’ve been teased about, etc. In my experience, though, I’ve found that I make up concerns simply because I’ve convinced myself that I’m not “enough.” It is this unnecessary self-bullying that I want to recognize and fight against.

Sometimes, I don’t do things because I’m so sure I’ll fail before I even try. But as Wayne Gretzky says, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

🤔 So, how can I quit getting in my own way?

For me, it starts with recognizing when I tell myself I can’t do something because I’m not “enough” for it.

If I think I shouldn’t go somewhere because I don’t look good enough or I shouldn’t take on a project because I’m not talented enough or my opinions aren’t important because I’m not rich enough, I stop myself right there - at the thought level.

“Taking your thoughts captive” is actually a Biblical concept, referring to making your thoughts obedient to Christ. It comes from 2 Corinthians 10:5, which says to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” What’s fascinating about this concept is that it works with all of our thoughts - if we’re telling ourselves we can’t do something, we won’t try to do that thing. But if we set our minds to accomplishing something regardless of whether we believe we’re enough, we might just do it!

The next step for me is deciding whether the not-enoughness is logical or illogical. For instance, if I think I’m not enough to go to a conference in Bali because I cannot afford it, then perhaps this is a logical conclusion that stems from reality and not self-sabotage. If, however, I think I can’t do something because I’m afraid of the outcome, perhaps my conclusion is illogical.

If it’s illogical, and I really want to try and do that thing…

I make myself try it.

That’s it. That’s all there is to it.

Yes, I realize this is much harder and more terrifying in reality, but the concept is simple. The more you do despite your fears, the more confidence you have to do other things that you would typically hold yourself back from doing.

Do not be your biggest enemy. Do not be your biggest bully. That is how you stunt your growth.

If you set your mind to it, you can do far more than you think!

💡Challenge!

This week, step out of your comfort zone with something that you’ve been feeling you’re not “enough” to do! I'd love to hear how it went in the comments, so feel free to share with us.